“Are you confident about what you are saying?”

“I am confident that we can do it”

Ever thought what makes one confident? Most of us have been in situations where we were really confident and a few others where we were not so. So what could be the possible reason? Where did our confidence come from?

Confidence comes from varied aspects. There might not be one factor that brings us confidence in all situations, but a combination certainly does.

Below are a few which keeps me confident.

• Expertise and experience
• Support system
• Sense of clarity on goal
• Attitude towards others
• Knowledge and Information
• Fitness and energy
• Upbringing
• Practice

I go back to this list to identify and work more whenever I find myself deficient or ensure that I rate myself on this checklist before starting anything.

With confidence we can win before we start.

I am eager to know what makes you confident.

E.g. When you ask them, “Hope you like the food here?” The response would be “Actually, I like the food that I had in a hotel near Bangalore during new year. It was awesome.” And you were expecting something like. “Yes, no, or its ok” and perhaps the long answer.

“How are you feeling?” “Well, I was OK until morning and then I had lunch and ice cream which I bought near by my place. We can get it home delivered. I had this butter scotch flavor. After that I had slept for a while and then went for an evening walk with my dog. Its pretty cold near my flat as there is a lot of open space. You should come there sometime. Oh by the way, I forgot that I had to take my medicine now. Thanks for reminding.”

What was that supposed to mean?

There is no limit to such things we keep hearing everyday. What makes it worse is continuation of same behavior at work in content writing, customer interactions, long emails, meetings etc.

One of the important rules of communication is to answer the question first and depending on the context continue giving your essay answer. With great difficulty, I started following three important steps. Not yet succeeded completely, but certainly started helping me and people who I speak to.

1. Listen to the question completely
2. Answer the question directly (Short answer)
3. Follow the rest of the annexure if required (Long answer)

In fact most of the people who give indirect answers are not aware that they are doing it. So, it is important to be aware of this issue since one might mean several things by not giving a direct answer. Either you don’t know the answer or you don’t want to answer or you don’t care about the person who is asking the question.

So, check.

Initially, I ignored the comment thinking I will do what I like. But, that is not something I usually hear about myself and that got me thinking. When I looked around myself, there are several people who overdo things. Our nature of relationship with them either covers a layer on that or accentuates the feeling. So, here I was thinking, do the people who actually overdo know that they are overdoing? That is without having the advantage of being told, like the good friend of mine did to me.

Oh by the way, if you are wondering for some examples of overdoing, here are a few: exercise, laughing in public, mocking others, sending gifts, speeding, thinking low of self, trying to hit every ball for a six, whining, and so on. Look around and you will find umpteen examples.

Coming back to the point if people are aware that they are overdoing? Well, I guess not. Not many realize that they are overdoing. Here are a few symptoms you can test yourself on to see if you are overdoing. This is not exhaustive and might not relate to all kinds of overdoing, but certainly an indicative. Of course you are your best judge.

Drop in the performance – Once you start overdoing, it is only natural that the performance comes down. If you overdo on your jokes, people will stop laughing. If you overdo at gym, your body is not going to take it for long.

Strained relationships – Many times, overdoing (which involve your closer circle) creates suspicion or can lead to a strained relationships. Imagine what will happen if I tell my wife 100 times a day that I love her or more realistically partying 4 days in a week. Classic example is a manager overdoing on giving feedback to a team member. It will not do any good for either.

Disrupted patterns – Overdoing can lead to people or your own body starting to disconnect from self. Imagine your company sending you 15 emails in a day trying to communicate about the organization. You mostly tend to delete such emails. If you are overtraining yourself then you can suffer from disrupted patterns, such as sleeplessness or moodiness.

There might be other ways to know if one is overdoing. But, important thing is to be self-conscious about what you do and how much you do. On a separate note, a few people actually take extreme steps as a compensatory measurement for overdoing. E.g. if one is given a feedback not to overdo the jokes bit, they completely underplay it and you will never hear another joke from them. That is why it is very important to what you do and how much you do.

I am sure you have great pointers to share on this subject. Please do share.

Thank you thank you.

I wonder too as to why is there so much hype around a new year and its resolutions. Its just another day. I would love to celebrate a new year if I am going to get the first month off for it . But, I guess we should not miss a chance to celebrate and importantly a chance to start something new or to stop that we have been postponing.

So, here are some of the resolutions I have identified for myself. Thankfully, unlike my job no one other than myself can ask me updates and a progress report. I will try not to be funny here as I almost got beaten up for mentioning that 1280X1024 is my resolution .

• Speak to my mother-in-law at least once in a week
• Take 4 vacations
• Turn 34
• Learn at least one music instrument. I mean to play.
• Learn one multimedia software
• Learn one new language
• Be realistic in my promises
• Sign up for a new academic course
• Read at least 15 books
• Drive 20K kms
• Write at least 4 articles, 25 blogs
• Interview two global industry leaders
• Be nice to living and non-living things
• Write 10 short stories

Well, these are just my personal resolutions. I should not be talking about my resolutions that positively impact others. . So I will keep them to myself.

Alright then, have a great year ahead and enjoy yourselves.

I am not sure where did it all start, but children born after 1980s are being tagged as Gen-Y and perhaps a little later as Gen-Z. I am also not sure if I have known human beings getting tagged in the past. No… “baby boom” is not a behavioral tag on the newly born.

My fundamental belief is that these Gen things have nothing to do with age. It’s a mindset.  Secondly, we are doing a great disservice to the next generation by tagging them. I am OK if we just stop at tagging them at Gen, but we are going ahead and analyzing their characteristic features. E.g. Gen-Y is confident, they like challenges, they are vocal, bored.

The sad part is that most of these initiatives are being done by Gen-X. Ouch, I just did tag the old guys.

I just cannot understand this entire phenomenon of human’s being tagged as buffaloes (due respects). All that we might end up doing is to influence their mindset. There is a good chance that a child born after 1990 might think that “oh… my characteristic features are a,b,c,d… I cannot do the other things.” Or “oh… I am Gen-Y and not supposed to care about my manager. Ok, let me not respect him and use some language” or worse is “oh… I am Gen-Y and I am not supposed to be virgin beyond 18”. Alright Alright, I know that I am pushing the envelope here, but so are we by tagging human beings.

The so called HR managers who are doing greater studies on this Gen thing and talking about changing policies are never going to implement what hurts the company. E.g. I am a Gen-Y (Assume) and by the characteristics set by some old guy (Oops Gen-X) I am supposed to be liking social media and at the same time like work from home and at the very moment good at multitasking. I would like to know which company would give me unlimited access to the social media channels at work, allow me to work from home. Pity that they missed the most important point that Gen-Y is supposed to be good at multi-tasking.

If you open any of these Gen reports and read, it will have all the characteristics that have been there since the time Apple fell on the ground.

Ok my point is… leave the next generation alone. Kindly do not program their minds. Everyone is unique and that is the beauty of creation. The concern is the study will not stop at type casting people, it will go into programing actions for certain behaviors.

Please do a favor on the next generation and leave them alone. Don’t convert them into programmed robots.

I will be happy to hear your thoughts. If you can convince me that tagging people is important, do count on my support.

Customers would love you if you help them buy, rather than trying to sell what you have or what you think is right for them. No doubt, what you have might be world-class, but is that what the customer needs? Perhaps not!

Recently, we invited a vendor to help us with our company’s social media strategy. The vendor came into the meeting and immediately started selling us on the benefits of the social media channel. Half way into the meeting, we stopped them and said, “We know about the channel and we are already sold on it. Now please help us understand how we should use this channel.” The sales guy promptly responded, “Let us go through the presentation and we will come back to this issue later.” So, we all patiently sat through the grueling presentation and the output of the meeting was another session to better understand our needs. This went on for a while and finally, after six months, we were promised a consulting session to understand our needs.

I have really learnt that the best discussion happens when the objective is not selling, but is solving customer’s problem. I have immense respect for the sales guys who openly say, “Dear Customer, this solution is not for you. Not yet. Your company is not yet ready for it. Let us discuss about how can we get there, rather than evaluating how best we can fit (force fit) this product to your need.” My first real learning in this regards happened when we were hosting a customer several years back. Our sales guy flew in from the US along with the customer to visit the offshore location. Everyone settled at the table and the sales guy, who chose to sit next to the customer, said very confidently to the customer, “I am on your side and I am going to ask questions to this team on your company’s behalf”. I don’t know about others, but I was certainly shocked and felt that “this deal is gone.” This sales guy asked all the uncomfortable questions. The result? Customer really loved the sales guy, our candid responses, and our culture of openness/transparency. Of course, we got the deal!

In the earlier example I gave, the social media sales person should have first asked us to present our objectives instead of being obsessed about presenting her own story. Sales meeting is a place where customer speaks most of the time. Not the sales guy.

Easier said than done… but check out the beauty of “helping the customer buy” vs. “selling what you have.”

PS: You can read the same blog at The 1st Meeting site.

The situation is worse when a person writes such an email on behalf of the team. There is no place for “I” when you are talking on behalf of the team.

On behalf of the team or otherwise, do count the usage of self-reference when you speak or write. You might be coming across as someone who pays more importance to self. Heard about “I, me, myself” attitude? One thing, I can definitely tell you that no one likes, especially your team, the over usage of “I”.

So, please count (be aware) the number of “Is” when you speak or write next.

Jokes apart. Who are more in number? People who give feedback or people who take it? So what is rare ought to be an art

Whether I like it or not, feedback is something that comes my way everyday at work. This is because of the function that I work in – Marketing. Being with highly opinionated functions like marketing, I really learnt (still learning) to take feedback. I call it highly opinionated function because everyone has their own taste for strategy, branding, color, content, UI, and even how I look and dress.

Coming back to feedback and the art of taking it, I just follow the following principles:

1. Don’t look at where it is coming from. It does not matter if a kid is giving a feedback or a CEO
2. Remove any personal impressions (perceptions) that you might have for that person (No prejudices)
3. Let the person complete the feedback
4. Listen to the feedback completely and validate the understanding
5. Don’t react immediately
6. If you have time and valid response, please clarify
7. If you don’t have valid response, please promise to get back
8. Either way, thank the person who has taken the pains to provide feedback
9. Best is when you act on valid feedback and update back the person

Sometimes, there are a few people who copy (CC) the entire world in an email and provide you the feedback. What do you do with such people? Take a deep breath and refer to the point # 2.

Anyways, personally I started saving lot of my time (& others’) and improve my work by following these little steps. Taking feedback is not a sign of inferiority. One needs real courage to take feedback and act on it.

Did that sound saintly? . Didn’t I say, taking feedback is an Art?

Thanks for reading this. Any feedback… send it my way

“Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.” Or vice versa.

Any number of examples would be insufficient for us to realize what cruel role ego plays in bringing down a person and hence organizations. History speaks for itself in the examples of Duryodhan (King of Kauravas from Mahabharata), Alexander, Ravan (King of Demons from Ramayana), Steve Jobs (For a while).

We do see the role of ego in our everyday lives at work and other places. What? Are you not able to recognize when ego is at play? Check for these symptoms (Just focusing at workplace for now):

Person vs Idea – I have seen and heard this umpteen number of times. The extreme case is when the person with an idea says “I am sure she will not like my idea, so what is the point in me initiating? If she has the same idea she will push it through”. This act of defensive behavior from either party is the first symptom.

Take it personally – The competitive environment within the team is good for the growth. Growth of the person as well as the organization. If this competitive spirit crosses the line then it gets personal and when it gets personal, the decisions one makes can hardly be good for the company.

Stalemate situations – When 2 or more heavy weights are involved in a given project with ego issues, rest assured no decisions are taken nor any progress is made. Who cares about the organization’s progress.

Symptoms can be many. But, one should understand that this ego has the amazing capability to kill objectivity in decision making. All the decisions made under the influence of ego can hardly be in the right direction. The results can be disastrous – wrong decisions, demotivated team, and wrong direction for the person and the organization.

Thankfully, I was exposed to this theory very early in my professional career. The CEO of the organization I was working with was asked to arbitrate a stalemate situation in a project. 5 minutes into the meeting, he said very authoritatively to everyone in the room “Please leave your egos outside of the office before entering”. That is it. All issues resolved.

I do ask myself every time “Am I being objective or is my ego taking over?” I feel it necessary as no matter how matured a person is or no matter how big / responsible the role gets, ego gets into play as long as you are dealing with human beings.

Again, don’t let your ego drive your behavior / strategy / decision / actions.

I finished lunch and went into a call with high profile management professionals. At the end of the call, one asked “I guess you would be chasing us for the action items.. right?”. All I could do was to smile and say “Sure Mr. Leader”.

Well, I finished the meetings for the day and went to check my emails. I have a total of 30 unread emails. 10 of them were people following up with me on various deliverables I owe. All I could do was to smile at myself and say “Its not funny”. Though I am writing this blog, I am not saint enough .. not yet

Why should one follow up with others, for a job that they are being paid for? So I asked people from varied industries as to how much time do they spend in following up with people internal to one’s organization. I got a range of answers starting from 10% to 30%. Its sad. Really sad.

So, where is this “follow up with me” culture coming from?

1. Lack of ownership – One does not really believe in the activity that needs to be done and hence keep pushing the deliverable. The one in the firing line keeps following up to get the work done
2. Culture – I guess, somewhere in the process its become part of the culture. Especially in India. The general attitude is “If it is really urgent let them follow up”
3. Biting more than one can chew – Few people have the habit of taking more work than they can possibly finish in the working time available
4. Prioritization and time management – Inability to prioritize the work and clearly communicate the deadlines will obviously lead to follow up situations
5. Too busy – I don’t buy this, but people say that they are very busy that they can forget the deliverables. Well.. no comments
6. Not really important – It is possible that people feel its too trivial a task that they don’t bother remembering it

Well, whatever the reason may be, these are no excuses for not doing a job (that you are being paid for) on time. Look at how many times people are following up with you and ask yourself the question “Why should someone follow up with me?”. At least, as a starting point stop asking the question “Will you follow up with me?” in your meetings.

Everyone is not like this. Most of the top management I have worked with so far, didn’t need follow ups. Neither do the entry level colleagues. I guess, the contamination is in the middle. Well, this has been my experience.  :)

Last thing we want to do is to add “Follow up” as part of the annual appraisal objectives.

I am sure you might have gone through these “follow up” experiences. Do share your experiences and learning.